I'm So Sorry

He stood in shock, looking down at what he saw, phone gripping in his numb hand tightly. He didn't make it in time, he didn't.. He felt sick to his stomach, the brunette slowly losing feeling as the phone dropped from his hand as he himself dropped on his knees. He could have been there.. he should have! Tears slipped down his cheeks, a very hurt and confused expression on his face.

"----? Are you okay?" it was false hope, and he held onto his phone once more, scooting himself closer to the corpse, foam on the side of -----'s mouth, wrists still bleeding with the last of the blood. The body was cold, what was he going to do? He was shaking, very close to being sick. Why wasn't he able to stop it? Why didn't he? Guilt made fresh tears fall from his eyes,  and he reached out for the phone, and dialed 911.

"This is the 911 emergency service, what's your emergency?"

"My.. my friend.. ---- commited suicide.." His voice was breaking, like there was a huge lump in his throat, preventing him from speaking.

"Where is this located?"

"---- ------ -----, please hurry.." He wasn't sure whether to stay on the line or not, other emergencies could be happening. He didn't know how to process this, and he looked back towards the corpse and nudged the body lightly.

"Hey... wake up.. This isn't a funny joke... wake up.." Why wasn't it working? It was just a joke right? He heard the operator speak, but what was it? It felt so far away.. "Come on, ----, wake up. Wake up!" As he went on, he became more frantic, almost beginning to shake the body as it began to go into rigor mortis. He had on a look of utter fear, and scooted away from the phone, backing himself into a corner furthest away from the body that lay in the middle of the floor, bringing up his knees to his chest and bent his head down and softly began to cry.

He let the phone slip from his hands once again, letting it clatter on the floor as he sat there, waiting to see what would happen. He should've checked his phone.. he should have! But he didn't..

He cried harder, shoulders shaking as he sobbed. The operator was trying at soothing words, but he didn't care. ---- was gone. And yet.. he just didn't know how to think. He heard the sounds of sirens wailing, and he didn't budge. They'd be able to hear him... As expected, they had hurried into the room. They checked, but yet.. The fireman shook his head, looking down in a look of pity. Then, more came in, and one in uniform walked to ------, who was still crouched in the corner.

"I'm sorry about your loss." It made him cry harder, as if he could cry any harder than he was. The firefighter sighed, tried giving him a small smile and then picked him up, walking outside and of course, attempting to shield the other's eyes. ------ clung to the firefighter, head buried into the mass of the firefighter's gear. The firefighter felt pity for the other, and then set him down a bit away from everything. "You'll be fine. You just.. have to try."

------ nodded his head, numbly. He.. didn't feel anything anymore. What was he going to do? That was his best friend back there... how could he live without ----? He didn't know, and he leaned forward, hands on his knees and covered his puffy red eyes. That was all he could do. Was sit there and cry. At least for now.

"I'm so sorry.... that I wasn't there for you." ------ whispered, slowly tears coming to a halt. He had a new feeling. One that wasn't good, but one that he thought he had deserved.